Words by Jayne Littler
How I created a supportive tribe
I'm a true believer that we feed off energy from the earth and other beings. Our energy is impacted positively and negatively by more than just food and physical activity, our thoughts and emotions have an effect.
It has taken me over three decades but I can finally say I have a supportive, uplifting and authentic group of friends. Through many life experiences, I've learnt it's OK to let go of people. Holding on to a relationship because the person has been part of your life forever isn't always a good enough reason. As humans we change, we grow and every morning we wake up a different person. In the same breath, it's also ok to decline an engagement because you want to protect your wellbeing.
I once had a group of friends who constantly argued, even on vacation. Truly blessed on the trip, I had family members close by and decided to spend my final night with them. I arranged to meet the group back at the airport, I was exhausted by the tension and rows. After our final conversation (if you can call being shouted at a conversation) about my selfish behaviour for leaving the group. I knew it was time to let go of the friendship. It was too toxic for me, I did not want all my energy zapped. Personally, I was going through a big career change, I needed positivity and inspiration around me.
It's important to identify how people make you feel. You should surround yourself with people that make you laugh, brighten your day, touch your heart, understand your challenges, inspire you and push you to always achieve your best. If they don't, consider them as an energy thief.
Energy thieves come in many forms. They can make you feel judged, make sly comments, be negative, complain, bitch, gossip, create arguments, have a big ego, enjoys drama and have no loyalty. Observe how people speak and treat others. It's likely they will treat you the same. On another hand, we might take on too much of other people's stuff to try and protect them.
Acknowledge how you feel after you leave people. If you are feeling anxious, fatigued, low or totally drained perhaps it's time to let them go. These are energy thieves.
I encourage you to step back, observe your tribe and ask yourself “how have we connected? I did this some years back and realised my friends were partying and drinking buddies. Through self-observation, I came face-to-face with my shadows. I had no self-love, my mindset was negative and bad habits don't attract supportive friendships. It can be hard to be honest with yourself but remember your vibe attracts your tribe.
How to let go of toxic people, do it subtly. No need to create drama, just gracefully move on with your life. I understand some relationships aren't easy to let go, my best advice to you is be honest. Tell them exactly how you are feeling and that you need to step away.
Understanding there is no perfect relationship is also paramount. It's not abnormal to go through challenges/ disagreements, balance is key. Overcoming challenges together can result in an even stronger friendship. It's about knowing your boundaries and investing appropriate energy in the right places.
By focusing on creating a group that makes you happier, could result in a smaller tribe but I can honestly say you'll feel a bigger and deeper love. Sometimes we just need to learn to love ourselves to feel happy when we are alone and appreciate the periods of empty space.
Your energy is precious choose wisely, be strong and only allow positive energy in your life.
Jayne Littler is a qualified yoga teacher and writer from the UK. A yogi since 2009, after becoming fed up of living in an unhealthy body and destructive mind. Jayne fell in love with the teachings and traditions of Yoga and fully immersed herself into the culture.
After spending 8 years within the ICT industry, in 2017 she quit her job to fulfill her dreams and passions. Travelling the world to teach, learn and gain valuable knowledge of Yoga. She now dedicates her time to inspire the world to live a more peaceful, happy and healthy life.
Mentoring clients on how to create inner strength, cultivate self-love and being happy in the present moment. You can find out more about here over on her facebook page or on Instagram @Jaynefitspo
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